Being at home without my parents and husband do give some impact to me.

I like to day-dreaming and i think it become worst.

I started to look back at my life.

The first day i went to Tadika..

The last day of Tadika..

The first day i went to primary school..

The moment i keep being punished to stand on the chair for 1 period by my teacher because i make noise..

The moment i took UPSR..

The moment when upsr's result went out..

The moment when i went to secondary school to register by myself..

Everyone were taking their parents to the school to register or they were in a group of their friends to register but i all by myself because all my close friends in primary school went to other school and i, at that time were embarassed to bring parents along since, yelah dah form 1 ok.

Takkan nak bawak parents datang teman register. Plus, bak kata mak saya, jarak rumah saya dengan sekolah ni, macam kentut kat rumah tak habis bau lagi, dah sampai sekolah. haha..

And i still remember the moment when people dislikes me at started to talk behind me..

the moment i met some wonderful friends..

PMR moment.. the results..

SPM moment..the time i started to think what i want to do in life..

SPM results..

The journey after that..

Diploma moments..

After diploma moments..

A year of doing nothing..

Degree moments..

The first day i met my husband.. (at that moment we're not even a couple)

The moment i spent with him..

The first day of working..

The up and down of working..

The first day i met his family..

the merisik day..

the engagement day..

All discussion i had with him..

The solemnization day..

The day i become his wife..

The day he had to go to work two weeks after our marriage...

the moment i went to kk just to meet him..

Haih..

The moment.. The memories..

The stories beneath us

We are all walking novel..

Right?

Boleh ke kita sayang orang lain lebih dari diri sendiri?

Whatever the answer be, i am very grateful to Allah for giving me this feelings..

Now i know why I didnt get to feel what i felt right now when i'm still young, when i'm still studying..

This is because...

Allah wants me to feel it right now, feels the unconditional love that cannot be describe by words..

Sharing is caring ;)

Just to share and remind myself.. (^_^)

Surah Al-Baqarah Ayat 216 :

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.”

Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286.

"Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. Ia mendapat pahala (dari kebajikan) yang diusahakannya dan ia mendapat siksa (dari kejahatan) yang dikerjakannya. (Mereka berdoa): "Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau hukum kami jika kami lupa atau kami tersalah. Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau bebankan kepada kami beban yang berat sebagaimana Engkau bebankan kepada orang-orang sebelum kami. Ya Tuhan kami, janganlah Engkau pikulkan kepada kami apa yang tak sanggup kami memikulnya. Beri ma'aflah kami; ampunilah kami; dan rahmatilah kami. Engkaulah Penolong kami, maka tolonglah kami terhadap kaum yang kafir."

Kadang-kadang saya selalu mengeluh kalau ada benda yang kita plan tak jadi. Saya lupa yang ada benda yang kita tak suka kadang-kadang baik untuk kita, benda yang kita suka, tak baik untuk kita.

Kadang-kadang bila ada ujian saya selalu sedih dan mengeluh tapi saya terlupa yang Allah SWT takkan uji kita something yang kita takleh handle.. Astagfirrallahalazim... chayo2.. if i can do it, u can do it to (tiba-tiba je bagi semangat kat diri sendiri..hehe)

lonely

Did you ever feel lonely eventhough you're surrounded by so many people around you?

i had feel that emotion.

but today, this particularly moment,

i feel so lonely..

literally..

my husband is at work..

my parents were at mekah..

my sister went out with her friend..

my brother is off for holiday at melaka..

so literally i am alone and no one to talk to..

usually i make myself busy and i do have a lot of things to be done..

but this feeling makes me feel so tired and lazy and no mood..

haih..damn, i feel lonely...

haih haih haih..

Today, some idiot send message to my dad's phone claiming he's my dad.

He makes all of us quite panic especially my sister. I am panic but i have to be calm and control my emotion.

He's using overseas number which makes us wondering what happen to our dad and whether that message is true.

His message was something like this,

"Ini ayah, ayah sekarang tukar no. tolong tambahkan credit di no 0178xxxxxx 30rm. Ayah ada masalah dan kini berada di balai polis. tolong, butuh sgera"

Ok, the first time i read the message, i dont believe that it was from my father because of the language and the way he text us. i recognize words using by my dad if he message us.

But of course, we are worried sick and my sister tried to call that number that being given but he/she didnt pick up. I called the person who send us the message and he reject my call.

The first word come out from my mouth when my sister show me the message was, "ni bukan message ayah sebab kalau ayah, ayah takkan gune word-word ni and cara pon lain. ni macam indon je. cuba message mak, tanya mak dulu"

my sister text my mother and she looked very panicked and wanted to call our aunty. I asked her to wait until our mother replied first.

I am panic myself and i started to think bad stuff like someone snatch my dad's phone and whatsoever but i keep it to myself.

Then i try to call that number again and he still reject my call. Coward.

I ask my sister whether our mom had reply the text or not and she said no. And then she was writing again the message and try to send it using other number only this time she said it outloud what she was writing.

And i might has scold her a little bit. Hehe kena mintak maaf. She asked whether everything is okay and asked whether our dad were at police station.

I scold her why she mention about police station. What if our mother were not around our dad. It might make our mother worried.

But to be honest i cant blame her as she's worried about our parents and couldnt think straight and of course she cried as worried to much.

So i just sit down and i recite many doa just make me calm and asking for their safety.

Suddenly, our dad call my sister using the number he gave us.

Alhamdullillah everything was fine. The person who message us is just a scam. Seriously if i have that person in front of us, i dont know what exactly will happen to him to makes us worried that much.

Nak tipu pon mintak credit rm 30? hello..buat orang risau je...haih sometimes i didnt get why some people were like this. Nak duit, gi cari kerjalah..

haih stupidity of human being..

I wish he's here with me right now...

but...

he might not physically be with me...

but mentally, emotionally...

he is always here with me..

in my mind..

in my heart..

I__ (^_^)__I

Saya dah tua..eyh tak tak..hehe

I went to find wedding presents for my friends and I asked one of the closest friends of mine, Niza to accompany me. Ok, we haven’t met each other since I get married. We talked with each other like we haven’t met like a year.

Turn out that we sent our parents (in her case, her mother) to perform their haj at the same time but we didn’t bump into each other since I went home earlier. We share experience of not having parents around. About how we have to take the responsibilities that our parents usually do.

And the only different between us is that she has to go to her mother office to cover her mother’s job and went she went home she has to cook. Listen to her makes me realize that we certainly have grew up as we take responsibilities that we have encounter with.

Okay, mesti ada yang rasa, ‘helo, dah 25 baru nak belajar semua2 ni ke?’. Saya tak kisah pon sebab memang betul. Saya yang malas nak belajar. Mak bebel2 banyak kali pon saya malas jugak. So it was my fault. But seriously rasa macam diri ni maju sikit walaupon sebenarnya dah ketinggalan jauh dari rakan-rakan seumur saya yang pandai masak, uruskan rumah dah lama dah, dari sekolah lagi.

Takpelah, orang cakap biar lambat asal selamat. Atau biar jadi macam sang kura-kura yang lambat jauh ke belakang masa berlumba lari dengan sang arnab tapi sampai dulu dan menang perlumbaan tu. Haa..kan saya da berperibahasa..Haha.. By the way, her mother will be back as the same date with my parents.

The issue here? Hehe nothing special but I realize one thing. I’m getting older. We are getting older. We started to find gifts for our friends, not birthday present as always but WEDDING gifts. Most of friends at my age are getting engaged or married or even having a baby. Oh my god,oh my god, ok salah, suami saya marah saya cakap macam ni. So tukar Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah..gile da tua ke aku ni?

After found the gifts, we don’t know where to go so as usual we went to a place where we love and sooth us, MPH. hehe.. Okay we usually will go thru the rack and find interesting books. But this time, we walked slowly and stop and one corner where they sells old cds and books at the best price. Our hand were touching the books but we were talking with each other about recipes. She said that we were like surirumah pulak sebab cakap pasal recipe. She told me she cooked this and that and I asked for recipes. Likewise, I told her I’ve cooked this and that and give her the recipe that I got from the internet. The power of the world. Haha gila poyo ok.

Then we decided to go to lepak minum-minum instead of wandering around. We were babbling around while in the line to place an order and I told her that my attitude doesn’t reflect that I’m married. I’m still childish like I used to be. And she agreed. Haha..

She said that she looks at me like I’m still single because of the way I talked, and the clumsiness is still with me. So I don’t look like a man’s wife. Orang dah kahwin ni kan perwatakan dia macam matang-matang sikit. But I’m still the old me. While chatting around I drop the straw and it shows that I’m clumsy. Haha..

Niza told me that she cant believed that I’m married and she said that people might have the same thought. She also said that when I walked with my husband and we were holding hands , people might look strangely at us and in their mind, they said,’ apalah couple ni, jalan pegang-pegang, peluk-peluk..’. haha..

Sebab kami nampak macam pasangan bercinta bukan suami isteri sebab gaya kami tak macam matang. Ok saya terima.. Kena garangkan muka and, jangan asyik gelak-gelak je and tak buat aksi-aksi macam budak-budak and tak boleh jadi clumsy lagi.. Ok sekarang, garangkan diri baru nampak macam isteri orang.. Grrrrr… garang tak? Hahaha.. Ops tergelak pulak..Erm takpelah gelak tu kan bagus untuk kesihatan ;p

Fulltime housewife? hehehe

Betul lah orang cakap, bila orang yang kita sayang dekat dengan kita, kadang-kadang kita less appreciate mereka. Bila mereka jauh barulah rindu-rinduan, ingat-ingatan (ok, saya tau bm saya tak betul, sila abaikan.hehe).

Bila mak and ayah pergi haji, the moment i send them at kelana jaya, i felt some kind of emptiness in my heart just like what i felt when i send my husband off to work. They are a big part of me that will makes me feel empty when they're not around me. In other words, they complete me.

I hug my mother first and i left my 'machoness' at home as i cry when saying goodbye to her. I always known as the most 'macho' person in the house since it is hard for me to cry. I guess being a wife does give me an impact to forgo my machoness.

Usually I didnt hug my dad.. But that day, on that night, i hug him tightly asked for his forgiveness and blessing. I hug him for quite a while until i cried. He cried a little too. I never had that moment not that i remember about( yelah kalau masa kecik2 tak ingatlah kn) with my father until that particular day. My father asked me to help my sister and i took it seriously since i have a big 'M' in myself. hehehe

Being away from them, tought my sister and i a very good lesson. We suddenly realised how hard they have worked for us. Every sleepless night, every day is a hectic day when it comes to manage a family. My sister took my father role as she manage my father's business. And i saw it myself how hard she worked to do what my father usually do. That is, find money for our family. She didnt has a chance to leisure around since my parents went away.

And i took unpaid leave for a month and half to help my sister and managing the business account but i didnt have the chance to do account at all since i took my mother role in house. Ok, now i knew how tired my mother everyday. I appreciate what she has done to us but now, knewing what she had to deal with evryday, i am more appreciate of what she has done. And i am very proud to have her as my mother. Not only she has to cook, sweep, wash dirty clothes, iron them, she also has to manage account for the business. Tabik spring toink toink for her.

I am not complaining for what i've done for several days. But seriously, i give a full respect to fulltime and also for a working wife. Gila hebat korang semua. No wonder my officemates a.k.a working wives with two children are so thin. They have their own exercise. hehehe.. If only someone invented machine for ironing and lipat'ing kain-kain baju. I will be the first person to buy. hehehe

This situation is a very good lesson for me since i already married. Luckily for me that i have time to learn how to be a good housewife since my husband went away from me to work. So i have quite an ample time to learn. hehe..

I am quite a spoilt brat before. Being a second female child i always took advantage to be lazy since i have sister to help my mother. Usually when i learn how to cook from my mother, she is always there to tell me, 'ok lps bawang tu dah garing sikit masuk cili boh then letak air sikit...and so on..'

But now, i have to do it by myself without any help. My sister knew how to cook but since she has other responsibilities, i have to cook. I am thankful we have technologies because everyday i will google a recipe. hehehehe..

Ok, jangan gelakkan saya.. Nak masak tomyam harini pon saya google since saya memang zero knowledge masak-masak ni. Goreng nasik ke or western ke, buat kek ke, saya expert, masakan melayu, ok saya surrender. Tapi seriously, sangat best masak-masak ni. Especially bila lepas masak, orang makan masakan kita sampai habis..hehe.

Saya suka aktiviti ketika masak sebab campak2 bahan, dah jadi..hehe.. but aktiviti sebelum and selepas memasak tu yang quite tiring. Kena siapkan bahan sebelum masak ok lagi, lepas masak tu. Cuci pinggan, lap lantai..ok takpe, seronok sebenarnya kerja ni. Jadi fulltime housewife. Owh no, terus rasa nak berhenti kerja, jadi fulltime housewife. Huahuahuahua

Btw, am praying for my parents to have a safe journey back home in the middle of december..Insyaallah.. Amin...

My love story

Ramai kawan saya yang terkejut bila saya letak gambar bertunang dekat facebook. Sebenarnya saya sengaja letak just to let them know yang saya da nak kawen so taklah terkejut nanti. So most of their reaction was, 'taktau pon, tiba-tiba je dah tunang..nak kawen da..' Yelah, diorang takde dengar saya ada boyfriend pon macamana tiba-tiba nak kawen kan.

To be honest, awal-awal memang saya tak btau siapa except for kawan-kawan baik saya. Saya taknak jadi macam orang-orang lain, macam orang tau bercinta bagai nak rak, bercinta lama-lama then tak jadi.

So to be safe, btau orang-orang yang perlu saja. Ok topic is about my love story kan. And ramai tanya macam-macam masa saya nak kawen. Macamana boleh rapat, first date dekat mana, macamana dia propose, macamana boleh terbuka hati nak kawen.. ok saya akan cerita.

Saya start rapat dengan suami saya, bermula dengan 1 message yang dia hantar. Something to to with bulan penuh. Tak ingat exact word, tapi ala2 macam ni lah, "malam ni ada bulan penuh. tak selalu ada, cuba tengok". Dia suruh tengok bulan penuh. Pelik? jangan risau bukan anda sorang je rasa pelik, saya pon tapi lebih kepada ingin tau karakter dia lebih lanjut..hehe..

Ok nampak sangat ayat mengorat tapi lain dari yang lain coz selalu kalau ayat-ayat mengorat mesti start dari, " salam..hi, boleh berkenalan?" or yang berasaskan kesihatan macam nak jual produk kesihatan, "salam, hi, awak sihat?" or " salam..hi awak dah makan?". You know, ayat2 common yang digunakan lelaki untuk mengorat perempuan. hehe.. So walaupon saya tau itu ayat mengorat, somehow, saya macam interested untuk balas msg tu because it is different you know. And it show that he's different.

Jadi bermulalah episod berkenalan. Msg berbalas msg. And my husband call me sometimes. Erm bukan sometimesla tapi selalu. hehe. To be frankly, i am always scared to talk with a guy coz i have nothing to say and i'm quite shy. but with him, i feel like i'm talking with myself. So there is chemistry between us.



From his story i knew that he has someone that he's closed with. And i dont trust people easily. Tapi kalau jodoh tak ke mana kan. hehe. Okay bila orang tanya bila couple. Saya taktau exact date tapi saya start rapat last year masa raya. A week before raya dia kena kerja so saya jumpa dia and bagi kuih raya.


Start dari situ rapat2, saya selalu email dia tanya khabar and dia slalu reply and smpailah kiteorg bercerita dlm email macam tulis novel. hehe.. start dari situ saya mula betul-betul berpikir samaada he's worth it to fall in love with. Turn out he's more than worth to fall in love with.

Lepas dia balik dari kerja, dia terus balik kampung so saya tak dapat jumpa dia. Saya tunggu sebab katanya lepas raya haji dia akan turun kl. Ok takpe saya tunggu walau pun dalam hati kata rindu. haha ok jiwang..so not me..haha..

Tunggu punya tunggu, akhir tahun macam tu dia pon turun kl.. First date lepas lama tak jumpa or officially declared ( yeke dah declare masa ni. saya pon taktau sbb macam takdela ckp cuma phm2 sendiri. haha). Masing-masing masa ni sangat malu-malu kucing. And taktau nak pergi mana so pusing pastu pusing satu subang n finally masuk pyramid. Masuk pyramid taktau nk watpe so jln je.. And we end up having lunch at o'briens since that is the only place that lack of people. Turn out kami berdua tak suka tempat yang crowded banyak sangat orang.

Then 31 Dec saya ambik cuti. And kami dating di zoo..hehe..tengok binatang..dating cam zaman dulu2. hehe..then the next day, kami keluar petang sikit jalan2..pergi summit. then terus pergi pyramid sbb nak cari barang n solat sekali. Since kami park di atas sekali, bolehlah tengok pemandangan. and masa tu sunset. Woh, saya sangat suka tengok sunset. Tambah lagi bile tengok dengan org kat saya sayang kan.. So that day, with sunset as scenery, he look at me, or look into my eyes and tell me that he loves me and he never felt the way he feel towards me with other girls..And that time i feel blood rushing to my cheeks, or my whole face to give me natural blusher. hehe malu ai tau masa tu. hehe..

Erm next step, early february before he went for works, he came to my house to get to know my parents, family. And that day, he told my parents that he's serious with me and wanted to be engaged to me. haiyoh, mujur ayah saya takde heart attack kalau tak, mungkin dah kena masa tu. Sebab yelah, first time jumpa..And saya pon tak berapa sure dia nak cakap macam tu masa first meeting with my parents.

Ingatkan jumpa first time untuk berkenalan. And menurut cerita2 yang saya selalu dengar, selalunya orang laki ni malu nak cakap direct, tapi dia, fuh kagum sungguh. Bila cerita kat orang, orang pon cakap dia ni sangat gentleman. (ok jangan puji lebih2 nanti saya jugak kena menghadap bila dia poyo2..hehe)..Tapi seriously saya pon rasa dia betul2 nak serius dengan saya masa tu. hehe

Bulan 4 keluarganya datang merisik, bulan 6 bertunang and bulan 10 bernikah.. Alhamdullillah. Memang banyak dugaan dari sebelum merisik, sebelum bertunang n sebelum bernikah. And dugaan tu makin besar bila perhubungan tu makin serius. Tapi alhamdullillah semuanya berjalan lancar. Dan orang cakap, masalah takkan hilang.. Selagi kita hidup, selagi tu masalah akan timbul. Tapi saya tak kisah dah sebab saya dah ada orang baru untuk bergantung harap dan berkongsi masalah.

Kalau dulu parents, siblings n kawan2 jadi tempat bergantung, sekarang dah tambah sorang lagi and mostly saya pergi dekat suami saya dulu kalau ada apa2..hehe..Ok saya cerita ni sebab baru 2 minggu kawen dia kena pergi mencari rezeki untuk keluarga kami, jadi saya rindu sangat kat suami saya. Tak sempat honeymoon pon lagi..Tapi takpe, dia dah janji nak bawak saya pergi jalan2..Kalau dia tak bawak, sekurang-kurangnya saya ada saksi nak pertahankan janji yang dia buat..hehehehehe

Jiwang mode

It has been a while since i update my blog. Ada orang baca ke? hehe

I guess people already knew that i've been married for a month now.

I never thought i'll be married with the first person i ever fell in love with. Alhamdullillah..

I know that not many people were like me. They or you might have their/your first love before getting serious with somebody else.

I am so fortunate to have my first love as my husband. Or what people tell you, berbaloi jatuh cinta dengan orang,,hehe..

But my husband had to go to work, meaning away from me after two weeks of our marriage. Meaning a week after ceremony at his kampung, which is my kampung right now, he left me for his work.

Mencabar? Definitely..

Why? Because i love him and not once time passed by without me thinking of him. I knew he felt the same way but that is his work and i will support him in any ways.

Orang kata kita sayang dan cintakan orang tu bila hari-hari kita rindukannya dan hari-hari fikirkannya.

Orang yang cakap tu genius..