Gratitude

Sekarang ni ramai yang guna other medium macam facebook untuk nak tau pasal perkembangan kawan-kawan lama or people we used to know/closed before. I think it's one of the way of knowing what happen to your friends without asking them. Bukanla macam stalker tu but you know, it's our nature. Human nature nak tau pasal orang lain. I admit that i do that sometimes. Not to be a busybody. Haih camne nak explain, macam tu lah. Kita comment status orang, kita tengok gambar orang tu.."uih dah kahwin kawan aku ni", "Uih, dah ada anaklah".. Lebih kurang macam tulah.

Bila tengok gambar kawan-kawan, or baca status kawan tu, indirectly kita tau dia kerja kat mana. Tengah buat apa and so on. Kadang-kadang indirectly akan comparekan diri dengan mereka2. Things that i am not proud of because it makes me feels like a loser. But when i think furthermore, it's not important what they do, who are they working for. What's important is do i happy with who i am?

I am happy with i have. With who i am. I have a beautiful family who will do anything for me despite i'm no longer their responsibilities as i've married. I have a loving husband who loves me unconditionally and we're expecting. I might not work at a well-known company with a high salary like others but honestly i don't really care as i've earned more than enough. I work near my home so i could save toll and petrol. Some of my friends do ask me why i didnt apply to other company since i've the qualification to do so and i've the experience. I cant really answer that but honestly, i'm happy to be home at 5pm. If i work at a bigger company, i couldnt have that. The precious time. For me, for my husband and for my family. If i were given a choice between time and more money, i'll choose time.

Before being married, i do thinking of changing my job. To work at a well-known company with higher salary. But i guess when we have things that were more important than money, we will choose the important one. Looking back at my life, if i were still 18 yrs old, i might not believe with a person i became now, at 26 yrs old. I'm no longer competitive. Why? i think maybe because i have everything i want despite i never imagine who i became.

At 18 yrs old, when the results are out, i'm thinking of pursuing my studies overseas but since i only obtain 6A's instead of straight A's I thought that i never have the chance so i promise myself to do well in diploma so that i could do my degree outsides m'sia. Being young and naive as i were back then, what i see if i could study overseas is all about the prestige. People will think high of you when you study overseas. How stupid i am at that time. But during diploma i learn to be a failure. All the frustration in my life makes me no longer a competitive person who will do anything to improve herself. I became more relax in life. I accept whatever happens. For example if i fail in studies, i let it be. I am no longer crying for a bad results as i believe, we get what we gave. I dont study, i'll fail. i studied, i'll pass. It became my habits.

So when i get a job with underpaid, i accept it. Why? Because i could relax more. I might not be able to luxury myself with an expensive clothes or bags or shoes. But i'm happy to get back home early. Sometimes when i thinks a lot, i asked myself whether i regret with all the decision i've made. Some i regret. Some were not.

But i am very grateful to Allah for a person i am now. A wife, a daughter and soon to become a mother. I guess every tears i made, every failure i encounter with do pays off ;)