Cendol + tempe goreng

Duduk senang-lenang macam ni tiba-tiba teringat suasana best masa di kampung yang mana bila petang je saya selalu mengendeng ngan encik suami tercinta ajak pegi makan cendol bawah pokok sambil makan tempe goreng cicah sambal kicap... haih.... kat subang ni mana nak dapat suasana macam tu ye?

ice cream flavour..

Bila terbaca or terdengar kisah budak-budak yang umurnya baru setahun jagung bercinta dan putus cinta n cerita betapa sakitnya hati sebab putus cinta, terasa macam nak beritahu dia,

"Girl, there are so much pain that awaits you in your future, when you're adult. So just enjoy the moment, fall in love, a lot..Because when you're adult, there's things that you can't change and when you're feeling pain, no one can help you but yourself..'

Tapi siapa saya nak judge kan. Saya bukan dia. Saya tak rasa apa dia rasa. Cuma kalau masa ni boleh dihentikan, saya nak berhenti masa saya masih kanak-kanak yang mana masalah saya cumalah nak kena buat pilihan flavour ice-cream yang saya nak beli..hehehe

Surreal..

It just feel surreal that i've been married for a year now.. My husband were not here with me now. But still, I thank Allah for giving me one of the greatest gift in the world, my husband. Happy Anniversary, dear beloved husband.. You're my husband, best friend, my world, my everything..

"Apabila sakit, ucaplah Alhamdullilah..."

I woke up this morning with a very sad feeling. I wanted to pour my heart out by writing what i felt. And i did write it but it wasn't finished and i took a break of writing it as tears were running down my cheek while i'm writing it.

It just heartbreaking thinking about the subject i am going to write that is about this coming 17 November 2011. The edd if i still pregnant. I was hoping i could just forget about the date. Things that trigger me was jealousy. I feel envy to some of my friends who were posting the pictures of their just born baby. Or posts their status on fb about their experience on pregnancy as some of them were just pregnant or getting near their due date. I am happy for them but at the same time i am jealous of them for not having problems like i do. They did hurt me without realizing it as they were unaware of my condition. Then i opened iluvislam.com to get motivated by reading the articles.

And guess what? I suddenly realise that everytime when i feel sad about what had happened to me, i was feeling sympathy to myself. Which is actually quite pathetic if i tried to recall again. I keep mourning and asking myself when will this end. When will this pain of losing will go away. And when people told me "dah bukan rezeki" with a blank face (i thought they were but it might not be true) or asked me to tough up since this not just happen to me; it happen to somebody else too, i just feel so freaking angry.

Because they said something that they didnt experienced. It is easier said than done. They might have lost someone they loved but there's always a difference between each lost. What's on my mind,

"They didnt get pregnant and vomit 20 times a day without husband on their side. They didnt feel the heartburn 24/7 and no one to coax them. They didnt feel so vulnerable and too tired to just talk. And the only thing that can get they keep strong is the feeling that they are going to have a child and a strong motherhood reaction that they will do just anything to protect their child even he/she is still small in their womb. They will eat every hours as much as they vomit everytime they eat. They didnt find out they get pregnant without husband on their side to be hugged and experience the joyful moment together..And they didnt have to go to the clinic for checkup by themself alone. And when the first time they went to the clinic with their husband, the suppose to be the most joyful moment in their married life, it became the most frustrating and just like nightmares when what they wanted to do is just woke up from the sleep so that all the nightmares will go away..Only to realize that it wasnt a nightmares. It's reality.. They cant say anything to coax me because they didnt experience what i experienced. What they say is not comforting me at all. It actually makes my wound become deeper and deeper..."

What i didnt remember when i feel sorry to myself is that, i keep telling myself i am okay and i am trying slowly accepting the facts of what had happen to me when i am actually half-heartly accepting all this. There's time when i feel that i'm 'redha' with the tests given by Allah to my husband and i. There's time when i am not. I keep blaming myself for what happen. If only i went to the clinic earlier without waiting for my husband to come home. If only i went to the specialist, not the normal doctor when i feel cramping on my stomach.. If only i could turn back time. I might have save the baby if i did that. At least thats what i thought at that particular moment.

At that moment, I forgot that everything happens for a reason. When i feel so sad, i forgot that there's always another 'thing' that will actually try their best to make me feel angry to the creator. To make me lost my path as a muslims. To makes me forgot that Allah has His plan for my husband and I. Setiap orang tu sentiasa ada syaitan yang memujuk untuk lupa pada Allah. I forgot that sometimes.

When i read the articles from iluvislam.com, i came to my senses. Ujian Allah tu sebenarnya nak buat kita dekat dengannya. Allah takkan uji kita dengan perkara yang kita tak boleh handle. Sama jugak macam orang yang diuji dengan pelbagai sakit. Allah nak menyucikan hamba-Nya sebab sakit tu penghapus dosa2 kecil. Kalau Allah uji kita dengan sakit dan sebagainya maknanya kita antara insan terpilih. Sepatutnya kita kena bersyukur sebab kita jadi insan terpilih. Andai kata hidup kita senang lenang tanpa apa-apa ujian atau sakit, mungkin kita patut risau. Itu yang diberitahu oleh salah seorang kenalan pada saya.

So, for people out there who were or am experiencing the most difficult moment on your life, i cant say that i feel you. What i can say is that, Allah will always be with you on your difficult moment. Cry as much as you can to feel relieve and dont stop praying and asked Allah your wishes. I am ashamed that sometimes i only remember Him when i go through the most difficult days of my life. I was hoping to change for good.

The sentence that gives so much impact to me in that articles was, "..apabila sakit, ucaplah Alhamdulillah..Hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui.." Hope the sentence will help others.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Aku mohon maaf atas kelalaianku. Ya Allah, andai kata ujian yang kau berikan ini yang terbaik untukku, tolonglah aku dan suami laluinya dengan penuh tabah, redha dan penuh kesyukuran kepadamu Ya Allah. Kau tetapkanlah hati kami, iman kami padamu agar kami tak melupakanmu. Amin..

Untuk bacaan umum

I've received this email a while ago and i just want to share with everyone especially for woman :)

Untuk bacaan UMUM :-

Kaum feminin cakap “susah jadi wanita”, mereka telah digoda dan diperdaya oleh syaitan dan hawa nafsunya sendiri, seperti yang kita lihat dialog dibawah, bagaikan mempersoalkan ketentuan Allah terhadap mereka. Dengan kata lain yang agak kasar, Allah berat ...sebelah pada kaum wanita.

Keluhan remaja perempuan 1:

“Aduh, situ tutup, sini tutup. Susah la gini. Apasal laki-laki mudah saja. Tak pakai baju pun takpe. Perempuan auratnya lagi banyak.”

Keluhan isteri 2:

“Kenapa la kita para isteri ni nak keluar kena minta izin dari suami kita, padahal suami kita nak keluar kemana-mana pun tak bagitau kita takpe pulak.”

Keluhan remaja perempuan 3:

“Jika kita ikut faraid dalam hal pusaka, rugilah kita. Sebab bahagian harta pusaka perempuan lagi sedikit berbanding harta yang anak lelaki dapat. Kami mahu keadilan!”

Keluhan isteri 4:

“Kenapa Allah jadikan wanita mengandung dan rasa sakitnya nak melahirkan anak. Suami kita rileks saja? Masa buat anak carilah kita, masa nak beranak kita tanggung sendiri!”

Keluhan isteri 5:

“Islam kata kita perempuan wajib taat pada suami, tapi ada Islam cakap suami perlu taat pada isterinya? Mana keadilan pada kaum hawa?”

Keluhan isteri 6:

“Bila nak cerai je, suami yang boleh jatuhkan talak. Kenapa isteri tak bolek ceraikan suaminya? Kenapa?”

Keluhan remaja perempuan 7:

“Wanita takleh nak beribadat macam lelaki, sebab bila kita ada haid dan nifas, takleh nak solat dan puasa. Ingat perempuan ni suka ke tak solat dan puasa?”.

Dan kemudian datanglah pertubuhan dan organisasi yang membela kaum wanita, dan menuntut hak samarata antara gender, mengekploitasi fahaman wanita yang terjejas akidahnya dek kerana disogok pertanyaan. Kaum lelaki pula cakap, “Ah, mujur aku ni lelaki!”

Tunggu..! Istigfarlah pada wanita yang ada perasaan seperti di atas. Mujur ada seorang lelaki yang bukanlah seorang ustaz namun amat yakin bahawa Allah itu Maha Adil. Dia tidak mampu menuturkan sabda Rasulullah s.a.w dan petikan dari ayat Al-Quran, namun dengan keimanan dan ilmu sedikit yang dia ada ,diolah sebaiknya untuk menjawab soalan-soalan melampau itu.

Lelaki beriman menjawab keluhan remaja perempuan 1:

“Cik adik, Islam lah yang mengangkat aurat wanita. Benda yang mahal harganya akan dijaga dan dibelai serta disimpan ditempat yang teraman dan terbaik. Awak ada emas dan permata, adakah awak nak letak terdedah ditepi laluan lalu lalang atau disimpan dirumah agar tiada siapa melihat perhiasan itu? Ok, jika awak letakkan perhiasan tadi dikalangan orang, agaknya apa akan jadi dengan barang perhiasan tadi? Lelaki, yang utama hanyalah bawah pusat ke lutut tapi awak? Saya tidak dapat melihat kulit anda pun kecuali muka dan tangan! Awak tak mungkin akan terangsang nafsu tengok saya hanya berseluar pendek ke lutut kan? Tapi kalau sebaliknya, jangankan saya, tapi tok imam pun akan tercabut serbannya jika tengok awak pakai hanya seluar pendek!”

Lelaki beriman menjawab keluhan isteri 2:

“Ok, isteri perlu taat pada suami. Jadi, lelaki apa? Suami perlu wajib taat juga kepada ibunya tiga kali lebih utama dari ayahnya, walaupun dia sudah berkeluarga. Isteri tidak perlu lagi, taatnya hanya pada suami. Kenapa awak perlu taat pada suami? Kerana suami kalian lah yang menanggung dosa yang kalian lakukan!”

Lelaki beriman menjawab keluhan remaja perempuan 3:

“Betul ke wanita menerima warisan pusaka lagi sedikit daripada lelaki? Tapi kan, harta itu memang hak untuk wanita itu dan dia berhak lakukan apa saja yang dia mahu. Shh.. jangan kongsi dengan sape-sape walaupun suami. Tak kesian pada lelaki ke, dia perlu membahagikan harta pusaka itu kepada isteri dan anak-anaknya. Kalau isteri dia ramai, anak dia ramai, harta pulak secebis, tak merasa lah jawabnya!”

Lelaki beriman menjawab Keluhan isteri 4:

“Tahniah la sebab awak dapat mengandung dan melahirkan. Setiap kali awak begitu, wanita itu didoakan oleh sekalian makhluk dan malaikat! Beruntungnya awak! Andaikan awak meninggal pula masa beranak tu, percayalah… itu mati syahid dan ganjarannya syurga. Ya, syurga menanti awak malah beranak 15 kali pun sihat sampai ke tua! Sebab tu tak ramai orang wanita meninggal masa melahirkan !”

Lelaki beriman menjawab Keluhan isteri 5:

“Akhirat nanti, saya dan lelaki lain didunia ini akan diminta bertanggungjawab keatas empat jenis wanita. Siapa? Mereka ialah isteri saya, ibu saya, anak perempuan saya dan adik perempuan saya. Tahu maksudnya? Awak nanti di akhirat, awak akan dibantu oleh empat lelaki! Siapa mereka? Mereka ialah suami, ayah, adik atau abang malah anak lelaki awak!”

Lelaki beriman menjawab Keluhan remaja perempuan 6:

“Nak beribadat macam lelaki? Ingat mudah ke nak dapat syurga? Sedarlah, awak sebagai wanita boleh masuk sebarang pintu syurga yang awak sukai. Ya, dah la syurga, ada pilihan pula hanya dengan empat cara. Apa itu? Solat lima waktu, berpuasa bulan Ramadhan, menjaga kehormatan dan tahu apa satu lagi? Taat pada suami awak. Itu saja asasnya!”

Lelaki beriman menjawab Keluhan isteri 7:

“Saya, seorang lelaki wajib berjihad fisabilillah. Awak, seorang wanita jika taat akan suaminya,dan menunaikan tanggungjawabnya kepada Allah, maka awak akan turut menerima pahala setara seperti pahala orang pergi berjihad fisabilillah tanpa perlu mengangkat senjata!”

Lelaki beriman bertanya:

“Sebenarnya, apa lagi yang awak mahu, wahai kaum hawa?”

Namun, wanita-wanita tadi menangis dan salah seorangnya berkata;

“MasyaAllah, sayangnya Allah pada wanita, namun kami sendiri yang mengheret diri ke neraka yang mana ramainya kaum kami berbanding kaum lelaki!”

Demikianlah dialog wanita-wanita yang curiga itu dengan seorang lelaki biasa namun beriman.

Musuh Islam tidak akan berhenti melakukan segala upaya, sampai kita ikut dan tunduk kepada cara-cara dan peraturan yang dipromosikan dan diperjuangkan mereka.

Allah, yang menciptakan kita, maka sudah pasti Dia yang Maha Tahu pada manusia, sehingga segala hukumNya malah peraturanNya, tentulah yang terbaik bagi manusia dibandingkan dengan segala peraturan yang dicipta manusia.

Wahai lelaki, jagalah isterimu kerana dia perhiasan, pakaian dan ladangmu, sebagaimana Rasulullah s.a.w pernah mengajarkan agar kaum lelaki berbuat baik selalu (lembut) terhadap isteri anda sekalian.

Berbahagialah wahai para muslimah. Tunaikan dan menegakkan agamamu, nescaya syurga menanti...

I was browsing my old messages and i want to share with everyone. It kinda boost up our spirit for not giving up things. Here it goes..

Sometimes, Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul

Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole

Sometimes, He sends us pain so we can be stronger

Sometimes, He sends us failure so we can be humble

Sometimes, He sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves

Sometimes, He takes "EVERYTHING" away from us so we can learn the value of "EVERYTHING" we have and the greatness is he give us "LOVE" in our heart so that we are happy all the time..

Based on the messages, it shows that Allah SWT wants to test us sometimes to remind us about His existence.

Sometimes i act like the happiest person in the world even my heart were aching so hard that i cant breath.

Sometimes i feel like the most pathetic person who wants the attention all the time from the person i loved when i go through stuffs that is quite painful.

Sometimes i forgot that through all the pain i've been through and still am going through, I have husband, family and friends to depend on.

And the most important things is that sometimes i forgot that Allah gives us test to make us stronger and depend on Him more.

I am trying to accept all the test given to me with redha.. InsyaAllah

Drama vs Realiti

Pejam celik pejam celik rupanya saya dah jadi isteri orang 10 bulan lebih. When people asked me what's the difference between being single and being married, i basically dont have the answer since my husband is an offshore man. But usual answer that i provided them was, 'sekarang da ada kampung', tanggungjawab lebih sket and family da ramai since his family is mine. hehe..

Dulu suami saya selalu mention yang dia dan family dia selalu takut kalau-kalau saya tak dapat adapt kehidupan kat kampung. And sceptically orang selalu pikir orang yang lahir n dah hidup kat bandar sepanjang hidup ni macam 'geli' kalau duduk di kampung. Makanan kampung pon tak boleh nak masuk and so on.

I can only blame television. Yelah, drama2 selalu tunjuk, contohnya si perempuan orang bandar anak orang kaya kahwin dengan si lelaki anak orang kampung. And bila si lelaki bawak si perempuan balik kampung, si perempuan ala2 geli nak makan and merungut je bila kat kampung.

Jadi ya, saya blame tv bagi pengaruh kat orang2 yang cakap orang yg pure hidup kat bandar tak betah duduk di kampung. Tak semualah macam tu kan. Come on, habis tu kalau ikut drama, orang kampung yang dulu susah dan bila dah berjaya jadi kaya dah lupa diri and taknak balik kampung sendiri. Macam tu ke? Tak betul..tak betul.. nama pon drama kan.

Pengalaman sendiri, bila mula-mula balik kampung rasa sangat excited, "ok, aku da ada kampung sekarang, ok" Nada nak tiru ayat tu kena ala2 manja gedik dan bongkak. Haha. But i guess i have the best family in law i can imagine of (ok, ayat bodek family belah husband walaupon diorang tak baca..haha).

But seriously, they taught me and treat me well when i was there. I felt like i am most welcomed in the family. Kalau orang lain lepas kenduri baru datang rumah husband, saya dengan muka tak malunya dah ada kat kampung 2 hari sebelum kenduri lagi. Orang cakap hilang seri ke whatsoever saya tak pedulilah. Dah Encik Suami mintak tolong balik awal sebab nak siapkan preparation jadi ikutlah kan. Nanti jadi isteri derhaka pulak. hehe.. Masa awal2 kadang-kadang jadi rimas sendiri bila orang tanya, ok ke kat kampung ni. Tak panas ke.. boleh ke ni duduk kampung. Tapi saya selalu balas dengan senyuman paling manis yang saya boleh buat. hehe

Tapi langit tak sentiasa cerah. I still remember the 4th day at kampung. I was so lost that i cried alone in the room where my husband spotted me. Haha gila sememeh masa tu. At that time, everyone went back to KL and i dont know what to do. Bila masuk dapur nak tolong MIL, dia tak bagi, suh duduk je. Bila nak ikut husband pegi beli lauk untuk makan tengahari, dia tak bagi jugak, suruh teman MIL and tolong apa yang patut. Masa tu rasa macam lost, nak buat apa pon tak boleh. Yelah duduk di tempat baru, taktau nak buat apa. Nak tolong pon tak dibenarkan. But i guess it just a matter of time kan.

Sekarang getting better. Cuma adalah je benda yang tak reti nak wat. Sebab taktau mana simpan jug and so on. And selalunya kalau kat dapur hanya jadi watak sampingan yang tolong kupas bawang and so on. Ye, saya tak berani lagi masak untuk semua orang sebab saya tak reti lagi masak dalam portion yang banyak. Still dalam process belajar masak. Ada hikmah jugak suami selalu kerja jauh lama2. Taklah saya kena masak hari2. (opss..terlepas pulak..haha)

Ok pendek cerita, janganlah terpengaruh sangat dengan drama2 tu.. Tak semestinya apa yang jadi kat drama tu realiti. Selalunya kan tu permainan penulis je. Budak bandar pon boleh duduk kampunglah..Jangan sceptical cakap dia akan geli dengan semua benda kat kampung and makanan dia.. Saya suka makan masakan kampung ok. Especially sambal godok (makanan orang jawa..hee..)