Indecisive

Kadang-kadang tu bila kita tak tau nak buat apa dalam hidup ni, kita ikut flow je. I'm like that. Bila dah tak tau apa yang saya nak buat, ikut flow je. I'm indecisive person..kalau tak, takkanlah sampai pernah duduk rumah sampai setahun lepas diploma. Duduk rumah kumpul lemak-lemak badan.. Tolong mak buat kerja dia kejap-kejap je. Lepas tu pergi uitm tolong sife jaga uchill bila khidmat diperlukan..

Seronok jugak masa tu..tak buat apa. Tapi lama-lama rasa macam sampah masyarakat...Yelah duduk rumah tak buat apa-apa. Tak belajar. Tak kerja..yang push me to further study is of course lah my family kan. Risau tengok anak dia tak tentu arah macam sampah masyarakat. So bila dapat further study in degree at melaka rasa macam, woh macam rasa Allah dah plan something for me. Kalau tak, takkan dapat belajar deg in accountancy lagi. I mean, accountancy lagi, yang jadi nightmare masa diploma.. haih haih. So i just go on with the flow..Ok belajar jelah. Pass pon ok. At least dapat degree kan..

I still remember how struggled i am masa first semester. Rasa macam-macam. Rasa nak quit. Rasa macam kena teruskan sebab takkan nak buat my parents risau lagi kan.. And i remember that i promised myself that if i fail any papers, even one paper during the first semester, i am going to quit degree. No compromise like i did during diploma year. But turn out i pass all the papers. Eventhough i cant be proud with my result, i did pass the killer paper, barely pass la kan. But still..if almost half of the batch fail the killer subject and i passed, it's like a sign for me to continue studies. So i continue studies and during all the degree phase, i passed all the killer subject that being told as a nightmare to all student as many students fail on that particular subject..

And out of every subject in degree phase, i passed all except one. For me, eventhough i could done better, i just dont care anymore. And to be honest, bila dah selalu sangat rasa jadi loser, jadi loser lagi dah tak rasa apa dah.Dah tak sedih, hati dah mati nak rasa sedih..So now, i've got my certificate..Bachelor in Accountancy (Hons)..And i'm working in a very small audit firm. I'm doing every kind of job given to me. Auditing, tax, account, secretary, admin..And what if the client knows that a person who doing their company tax once had failed the subject..gila kan..

Dulu masa final semester when most of my friends were looking for jobs eventhough we're not finished yet, i just sit back and relax..I mean, i dont want to work in accounting field but yet i got offered in that field and i just grabbed it as until now i couldnt decide what i want to do in life.

I still remember when all the final student has to go to some lame activity, 'program kepimpinan pelajar'..When the lecturer asked each and everyone of us to tell everyone what's our plan next after finished our degree, half of us said they wanted to do business as accounting is not their passion. And some said they wanted to be an auditor..And me? i told everyone that i'm going to a course..Baking cakes or baking..buns or anything and try to earn money from that as baking cakes makes me happy..

Most of my friends did know my plan and they support me but the problem now is still me.. i'm indecisive. I doubt with myself. Do i really want to go into food industry. Yelah, mana tak doubt dengan diri sendiri kalau 3 kali buat kek yang sama, 3-3 kali rasa dia lain-lain kan..

Now? i'm thinking about everything.. About how nice it feels when i'm looking forward to go to work..As for now i'm going to work as my obligation to do something in life.. haih..haih..haih..