Weighing machine

I went out today with my mother and sister. We went out to PKNS and SACC to buy some stuff. There, I saw something that makes me remind the funny part of my life that I shared with my husband. I guess when someone you love were apart from you (his currently work offshore), you tend to find every single things that could remind you of him/her.

Can someone guess what kind of things that I saw?

It was... weighing machine..haha.. Not the simple one yang boleh timbang berat tu, yang boleh ukur tinggi sekali tu..

I still remember that day where my husband and I went to Plaza Alam Sentral to look for my engagement dress as at that moment we were not hitched yet.

He saw the machine and spontaneously said something like this, "Kalau bb naik ni and kalau machine tu boleh cakap, dia cakap, 'Naik sorang-sorang, jangan naik ramai-ramai.." And he laughed so hard.

 I know he's joking but at that moment, I wanted to get even so I spontaneously and jokingly said, "Ala, kalau abg naik, machine ni cakap, 'Berdiri, jangan duduk..." And he laughed even harder. We both laughed so hard that people pass by were looking at us with the looks, 'Gila ke apa diorang ni..' hahaha

I said to him, that if we didnt know each other, mesti dua-dua dah kecik hati. Nasib baik dah kenal yang masing-masing suka buat lawak and kenakan each other.. Haih.. seriously missing the beautiful moment with my beloved husband...

Hormon

Being a girl..eyh a woman? Mcm tua sangat..Ah it doesnt matter. So i start again..hehe

Being a girl/woman I use hormon as the excuse when i feel angry and sad by sudden. I mean betul kan. Perempuan bila nak datang bulan ke pregnant ke, hormon is all over the place. Jadi tiba-tiba boleh rasa sedih. Tiba-tiba jugak boleh rasa nak marah. Pantang orang buat salah sikit, terus rasa nak marah. Padahal selalunya ok je..

Bila guna excuse ni kat suami, die pernah cakap, "Kesian hormon tu, asyik disalahkan je.." But hey, perempuan-perempuan di luar sana, betul tak, bila kita nak datang bulan or preggy, we cant really control our emotion? Tiba-tiba rasa nak marah, lepas marah, tiba-tiba menyesal, dan tiba-tiba juga boleh menangis. Kadang orang cakap dengan nada keras sikit dah boleh menangis ingat kena marah. haha

Nasib baik ketua keluarga ialah suami. Kalo kita, fuh..keputusan banyak berdasarkan emosi pada waktu itu.. Jadinya, sapa setuju yang suami kena banyak bersabar bila isterinya tengah hormon bercelaru angkat kaki tangan anda..haha

Kenangan manis kau dan aku..

My husband called me at about 2am++ today to let me know that he's going back to kampung for a while as he has to be in jb by 8am.. So we talked.. And when he reached his destination, it was about 3.40am++.   I only realised it at about 630 am as it is my biological clock to get up and pray. So i text him and he call me.

We talked about things and he said he that he was hungry. At that moment, i suddenly remembered the time when we travel the whole day from terengganu to his kampung at about 7pm and reached there at about almost 7am the next day.. Which is approximately 12 hours journey. Ok, maybe i should explain, we were backpacking to kuantan, terengganu and we want to go to cherating but there's emergency in kampung the day we reached terengganu so we headed straight from terengganu to muar. And before reached house, both of us were hungry so we plan to stop at any place to eat. But since it was before 6am, we couldnt find any place that open that early. Suddenly, my husband find a place, so we stop and eat. After a while, we try to find that place again but we cant remember where is it and my husband jokingly said, "jangan kedai bunian sudah.." haha

And you know what, at that moment while talking with my husband, i was thinking about all the sweet memories we have together despite of living separately as husband and wife. I told him that i wanted to eat roti canai pagi2 with him just like we had done. It's not the roti canai i miss. The environment and the moment that i miss. Makan roti canai n minum air kopi pagi2 buta bila langit still gelap and bila habis makan da starting sunrise is the moment i wouldnt trade for anything. It just a simple thing i've done but i cant forget it as i do it with the person i love.

And remembering about 'makan roti canai pagi2' makes me remember every moment i went through with my husband..

The day where he told me he loves me so much at the top of the roof while watching sunset..Haih sangat cair time tu..

Or the day where we finally had our best honeymoon after a year of marriage at langkawi. We didnt go to many place. We just live in that moment. Makan cendol n laksa bawah pokok menghadap pantai..best best..

Or the moment where both of us were shocked when we order at turki restaurant as the waitress brought 2 big plate of food. Mula2 bawak 2 pinggan kosong which makes both of us puzzled but didnt say anything as taknak orang tu cakap kiteorg jakun. Hahaha. Bila datang makanan, mak aih, ini bukan untuk makan 2 orang..5 orang pon boleh. Patutlah mahal. And guess what, both of us were thinking the same thing but as we were in our honeymoon, he doesnt want money to get into we having fun. The other funny part is that, both of us mana reti makan makanan turki and since they gave us fork and spoon, we use it to eat the food with bread. Roti arab kan ala2 liat so agak susahla nak potong. The waitress saw the difficulties so she said, roti tu makan pakai tangan lagi senang sebab liat kan.. Haha..Nampak sangat jakun tak pernah makan makanan turki padahal dah berlakon konon-konon nampak sangat confident selalu makan makanan tu..Taktau apa waitress tu pikir lagi..hahaha

The same day, he wanted to surprise me with candle light dinner but as i asked him repeatedly where he'd go, he gave up and told me and said that i ruined his surprise. haha sorry sayang. Dah boleh agak sebenarnya..And masa makan tu, perut still penuh sebab makanan turki tu tak hadam lagi. Tapi makan jugak sebab banyak course. And lagi sekali kena tegur masa makan salad dengan tuna. The waitress said," kalau gaul salad tu lagi sedap sebab ada letak olive oil..".. Inilah kalau orang tak reti makan western2 ni cuba makan western..kat hotel lagi..Malu je..haha

Bila terpikirkan kenangan manis macam ni, tiba-tiba teringat pulak lagu jamal abdillah dengan ogy ahmad daud.. "kenangan manis kau dan aku takkan tergugur...duri ranjau dalam bercinta..lumrah dunia....sayang menyayang..cinta dikenang..perasaan menjadi rindu...wooo.." Cuba nyanyi, jangan baca baru feel..haha

I'm just feeling a bit jiwang right now.. But actually,sometimes when there's a moment where we had unsolved problem or some things that makes us feel said or tak puas hati with our spouse, we should stop for a moment to think about all the sweet memories we had with him/ her. And after that, kalau rasa marah jugak, agaknya kita ni hati batu..hahahaha..

Unforseen future

I heard some bad news last few weeks. My father's bestfriend lost his newborn grandaughter last month. I didnt know whether it's the nurse mistakes or whatsoever, but hearing a story like that making me blaming the hospital.

This event happen when the mom had denggi when she was 36 weeks pregnant. She been told that in order to make sure that the baby didnt get infected too is by doing a c-sect. So she agreed. After giving birth, the doctor did some test and said that the baby is free from denggi. The mom have to go through a blood transfusion since she had a severe denggi infection while the baby was in the incubator since she was prematured baby. The policy is when the baby is premature, she/he had to be in the incubator to be monitored.

After a week, the mom's condition getting better so she been discharged. On the 1st day being discharged, the mother went to the hospital to bf her daughter. After bf her daughter, she went home and a few minutes after that, the nurse call her asking her to went back to the hospital. It happen that the baby is too weak. Turn out that she had denggi and the nurse/doctor didnt realise it. And it became worst when the hospital doesnt has equipment to do some blood transfusion for the baby. They call gov hospital and being rejected since they're full with baby with denggi. SDMC came to the rescue when they agreed to treat the baby. But by that time, the baby is too weak to be saved. So she died when she was about 8 days old.

It may or may not be the hospital mistakes, but still, they should be prepared for the worst isnt it. They are dealing with lives.

What makes feel so sad is that she and her husband was waiting for a long time for a baby. For 3-4yrs to finally get pregnant. But i guess when it meant to be, it meant to be. Who are we to question what will happen in the future right.

I feel so sad and cried as it brings back the memories of mine when i had miscarriage. I couldnt even imagine what she will go through especially when she had to go through confinement without a baby.

And few days after that, through fb, i found out that one of my photographer during wedding's wife has just delivered a baby. A beautiful baby i can i say. I saw all the pic he posted which included his wife. A week after that i learned that his wife past away. It make me scared because it suddenly come to my senses that we will never knew our future. We may be happy but at the same time we may be sad. I couldnt imagine how he felt when he has a newborn daughter without his wife to share the happiness with.

One case, the mother survived but the baby did not. Another case, the baby survived but not the mother. Frankly, i know all of us going to die soon or later but when i learnt both story, it seriously make me scared as we never know what will happen to us.

Semoga Allah memberi petunjuk dan merahmati kehidupan kita di dunia ini, InsyaAllah.

Tangan gatal

Harini saya terasa macam tangan kanan gatal. Orang cakap bila gatal tangan kanan maknanya nak dapat duit. Tapi kalau cerita dekat mak saya dia akan cakap, "basuh tangan tak bersihlah tu.." hahaha

I guess logically memang jawapan mak saya tepat. Apa kaitan gatal tangan dengan dapat duit kan. Kadang-kadang memang banyak benda yang jadi yang dikaitkan dengan sesuatu yang tidak relevan. Contoh lain? Orang cakap bila baby baru lahir keluar air liur banyak, maknanya si ibu masa mengandung dulu tak fulfill makanan semasa mengidam. Sangat tidak berkait..

What i'm trying to say is, siapa yang reka dan kenapa sesuatu perkara yang tiada kaitan antara satu sama lain dikaitkan?

Dejavu

I have a feeling, that i might be pregnant again.

To my surprise, both my husband and i get the same dream (not at the same time though), ie, i was pregnant. I didnt tell him when i get that dream. I guess sometimes when you put to much hope on it, it will appear on your dream. That's what i thought when i get that dream, so i didnt tell my husband. And when one morning when i woke him up, he suddenly burst out, "abg mimpi bb pregnant". It took my attention. Orang cakap dalam mimpi kita tu selalu terbalik. Contoh, kalau kita mimpi kita kahwin dengan orang A, yang betul-betul jadi ialah, kita tak jadi kahwin dengan orang A. Tapi orang cakap. Belum tentu betul kan. Itu semua kuasa Allah.

And since my blood test result finally turn out to be ok after 4th time of testing (Alhamdullilah), the doctor allowed me and husband to started to try to conceived again. But i will double check everything again to be sure.

I still feel 50-50 because i wanted to prepare mentally and physically before we started to try again. The pain of losing is still here. I dont think it will go away for the time being. But, u know, i am still hoping to get pregnant again without any fuss i have to go through.

I started to feel just like i was pregnant before. So bloated. feel nausea at certain time. And feel cramping around my stomach. It is like a dejavu.

But unfortunately for me, everytime i get my menses after d &c procedure, i always feel bloated and fatigue. Especially when i didnt get my menses for almost 5 months after d&c which was quite a worry to me and the doctor as it is not normal for not having menses for that long. But the problem solves after 5 months. Not that i'm not fertile, but because some other reason that i dont really like to share here. What i'm trying to say here is that, the symptom of getting pregnant and menses was quite the same for me.

The only solutions for me is to wait for that date. The date i should get my menses. So....

Turn out that i didnt get pregnant. I didnt know what i feel right now. I didnt tell my husband the whole story from the begining since he's busy and i know both of us are still cant get over the first pregnancy so the second one would be harder. And i always know that Allah has better plan for us so ya, He might want my husband and i to be prepared mentally and physically for the second one.

And since i still feel unwell for several time, i think that i should be fit before anything happen. I'm lying if i said i didnt put hope to be mother soon enough but i guess from what i experiencing, from all the pain i've been through, after several of blood test, the pain of needle go through my skin, all the medicine i have to eat, i think, Allah wants the best for my husband and i. He knows everything. So want i can do now is, trying so hard to be fit inside and out. InsyaAllah ;)

Masterchef?

Being at home and as i am jobless for now (ok, i have a job but i prefer to do it at my own time. bukan 8-5 lagi), makes me keep watching tv and khatam all the novels i used to read when i'm still a student. Tv show that i like to watch now is masterchef malaysia. Ok, rasa agak pelik bila compare both malaysia version and us version. Malaysia version is quite skema, in my opinion.

But it was fun though. And tak sangka ramai orang boleh masak hebat2 dalam masa yang cepat. Rasa sangat kagum dengan diorang. Untuk orang macam saya yang baru berjinak-jinak nak masak2 ala2 kampung style ni tengok orang kita boleh masak makanan yang nampak sangat sedap buat saya rasa terinspirasi. Haha ayat bm saya agak teruk, sila abaikan. Bare with me ya. hehe

Actually, yang buat saya sangat2 kagum is that diorang boleh masak macam2 dalam masa yang saya rasa agak singkat. I mean, 45min je nak masak kadang2 2-3 dishes? Pergh, sangat kagum. Kena belajar cara yang cepat jugak ni. Tapi yang pasti bila nak masak je kena ada mood. And selalunya mood tak ada bila en suami jauh. Jadi boleh tak instead of imitate cara diorang masak, saya imitate cara judge tu bagi arahan. And dah try pon tadi dengan kakak saya yang masak tadi.

my sis: (sibuk kat dapur)
saya: Masa yang diberikan hanya 30 min. Masa yang tinggal hanya 15minit sahaja.
my sis : (gelak sambil tak puas hati saya bahan dia)
saya: Masa yang tinggal kini hanya 10 saat. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6............
my mom dah gelak2..
my sis: (sambil gelak, sambil menghalau saya keluar dapur)

Moral, erm kacaulah family anda ketika en suami jauh or ketika anda bosan. Tak rugi. haha

ok, saya baru first time guna breadmaker and buat roti setelah beli breadmaker berbulan lepas sampai kena perli dengan en suami sebab tak buat2. haha. Jadi a day before yesterday, mood dengan tiba2 datang. Terpaksalah buat bagi en suami jeles takde kat subang ni nak rasa hasil ulian tangan saya ni. Eh, kenapa tulis panjang2 ni. Mission sebenarnya nak berlagak da boleh buat pizza sendiri walaupon roti agak keras. hehe. And btw, yang hijau tu bukan petai. en suami boleh ingat petai pulak. hahaha