Tangan gatal

Harini saya terasa macam tangan kanan gatal. Orang cakap bila gatal tangan kanan maknanya nak dapat duit. Tapi kalau cerita dekat mak saya dia akan cakap, "basuh tangan tak bersihlah tu.." hahaha

I guess logically memang jawapan mak saya tepat. Apa kaitan gatal tangan dengan dapat duit kan. Kadang-kadang memang banyak benda yang jadi yang dikaitkan dengan sesuatu yang tidak relevan. Contoh lain? Orang cakap bila baby baru lahir keluar air liur banyak, maknanya si ibu masa mengandung dulu tak fulfill makanan semasa mengidam. Sangat tidak berkait..

What i'm trying to say is, siapa yang reka dan kenapa sesuatu perkara yang tiada kaitan antara satu sama lain dikaitkan?

Dejavu

I have a feeling, that i might be pregnant again.

To my surprise, both my husband and i get the same dream (not at the same time though), ie, i was pregnant. I didnt tell him when i get that dream. I guess sometimes when you put to much hope on it, it will appear on your dream. That's what i thought when i get that dream, so i didnt tell my husband. And when one morning when i woke him up, he suddenly burst out, "abg mimpi bb pregnant". It took my attention. Orang cakap dalam mimpi kita tu selalu terbalik. Contoh, kalau kita mimpi kita kahwin dengan orang A, yang betul-betul jadi ialah, kita tak jadi kahwin dengan orang A. Tapi orang cakap. Belum tentu betul kan. Itu semua kuasa Allah.

And since my blood test result finally turn out to be ok after 4th time of testing (Alhamdullilah), the doctor allowed me and husband to started to try to conceived again. But i will double check everything again to be sure.

I still feel 50-50 because i wanted to prepare mentally and physically before we started to try again. The pain of losing is still here. I dont think it will go away for the time being. But, u know, i am still hoping to get pregnant again without any fuss i have to go through.

I started to feel just like i was pregnant before. So bloated. feel nausea at certain time. And feel cramping around my stomach. It is like a dejavu.

But unfortunately for me, everytime i get my menses after d &c procedure, i always feel bloated and fatigue. Especially when i didnt get my menses for almost 5 months after d&c which was quite a worry to me and the doctor as it is not normal for not having menses for that long. But the problem solves after 5 months. Not that i'm not fertile, but because some other reason that i dont really like to share here. What i'm trying to say here is that, the symptom of getting pregnant and menses was quite the same for me.

The only solutions for me is to wait for that date. The date i should get my menses. So....

Turn out that i didnt get pregnant. I didnt know what i feel right now. I didnt tell my husband the whole story from the begining since he's busy and i know both of us are still cant get over the first pregnancy so the second one would be harder. And i always know that Allah has better plan for us so ya, He might want my husband and i to be prepared mentally and physically for the second one.

And since i still feel unwell for several time, i think that i should be fit before anything happen. I'm lying if i said i didnt put hope to be mother soon enough but i guess from what i experiencing, from all the pain i've been through, after several of blood test, the pain of needle go through my skin, all the medicine i have to eat, i think, Allah wants the best for my husband and i. He knows everything. So want i can do now is, trying so hard to be fit inside and out. InsyaAllah ;)

Masterchef?

Being at home and as i am jobless for now (ok, i have a job but i prefer to do it at my own time. bukan 8-5 lagi), makes me keep watching tv and khatam all the novels i used to read when i'm still a student. Tv show that i like to watch now is masterchef malaysia. Ok, rasa agak pelik bila compare both malaysia version and us version. Malaysia version is quite skema, in my opinion.

But it was fun though. And tak sangka ramai orang boleh masak hebat2 dalam masa yang cepat. Rasa sangat kagum dengan diorang. Untuk orang macam saya yang baru berjinak-jinak nak masak2 ala2 kampung style ni tengok orang kita boleh masak makanan yang nampak sangat sedap buat saya rasa terinspirasi. Haha ayat bm saya agak teruk, sila abaikan. Bare with me ya. hehe

Actually, yang buat saya sangat2 kagum is that diorang boleh masak macam2 dalam masa yang saya rasa agak singkat. I mean, 45min je nak masak kadang2 2-3 dishes? Pergh, sangat kagum. Kena belajar cara yang cepat jugak ni. Tapi yang pasti bila nak masak je kena ada mood. And selalunya mood tak ada bila en suami jauh. Jadi boleh tak instead of imitate cara diorang masak, saya imitate cara judge tu bagi arahan. And dah try pon tadi dengan kakak saya yang masak tadi.

my sis: (sibuk kat dapur)
saya: Masa yang diberikan hanya 30 min. Masa yang tinggal hanya 15minit sahaja.
my sis : (gelak sambil tak puas hati saya bahan dia)
saya: Masa yang tinggal kini hanya 10 saat. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6............
my mom dah gelak2..
my sis: (sambil gelak, sambil menghalau saya keluar dapur)

Moral, erm kacaulah family anda ketika en suami jauh or ketika anda bosan. Tak rugi. haha

ok, saya baru first time guna breadmaker and buat roti setelah beli breadmaker berbulan lepas sampai kena perli dengan en suami sebab tak buat2. haha. Jadi a day before yesterday, mood dengan tiba2 datang. Terpaksalah buat bagi en suami jeles takde kat subang ni nak rasa hasil ulian tangan saya ni. Eh, kenapa tulis panjang2 ni. Mission sebenarnya nak berlagak da boleh buat pizza sendiri walaupon roti agak keras. hehe. And btw, yang hijau tu bukan petai. en suami boleh ingat petai pulak. hahaha

happily ever after...or not?

Do you remember when we still a child where we were given a story book such as snow white, cinderella whereby the heroine will always suffer at first and then meet her prince and live happily ever after?

Do you at least once feels like you are going to be like them? I do.. when i was a child..

When we still a child, we do not have to face any difficulties in life and we were given a perspective that when we became adult, there are still no problem to live happily ever after just like the book we used to read..

And we were still a child we wish of getting older faster than it should be. So that we could have our own decision on what to do or where to have fun without any interruption by our parent. And the dream of getting married to a prince/princess and live happily ever after.

Who to blame? Do we blame the book. Or maybe the writer. He gave a wrong perspective of life that we might be sad at first but we will be happy eventually.. He did not write the truth.. He did not tell the story after the princess gets married to her prince. He didnt mention that after being married with her prince, both her and her prince might face some difficulties that they would never forget. And it might be so hard that it will ache even just thinking about it.

So who to blame? Adult who tells lie? Adult who just want children to experience happiness by creating a character like cinderella before they became adult and facing problem and didnt experience happiness like being told in the bedtime story..

Cendol + tempe goreng

Duduk senang-lenang macam ni tiba-tiba teringat suasana best masa di kampung yang mana bila petang je saya selalu mengendeng ngan encik suami tercinta ajak pegi makan cendol bawah pokok sambil makan tempe goreng cicah sambal kicap... haih.... kat subang ni mana nak dapat suasana macam tu ye?

ice cream flavour..

Bila terbaca or terdengar kisah budak-budak yang umurnya baru setahun jagung bercinta dan putus cinta n cerita betapa sakitnya hati sebab putus cinta, terasa macam nak beritahu dia,

"Girl, there are so much pain that awaits you in your future, when you're adult. So just enjoy the moment, fall in love, a lot..Because when you're adult, there's things that you can't change and when you're feeling pain, no one can help you but yourself..'

Tapi siapa saya nak judge kan. Saya bukan dia. Saya tak rasa apa dia rasa. Cuma kalau masa ni boleh dihentikan, saya nak berhenti masa saya masih kanak-kanak yang mana masalah saya cumalah nak kena buat pilihan flavour ice-cream yang saya nak beli..hehehe

Surreal..

It just feel surreal that i've been married for a year now.. My husband were not here with me now. But still, I thank Allah for giving me one of the greatest gift in the world, my husband. Happy Anniversary, dear beloved husband.. You're my husband, best friend, my world, my everything..